Friday, September 23, 2011

B is for Baby

G is for Girl!

We went for our first ultrasound at around 19 weeks I think. Everything was perfect, baby measured great, healthy, all four chambers of the heart and everything we wanted to hear. And then we asked about the gender, and the tech very quickly told us that baby was in a bad position and she couldn't see anything. (This was after showing us a cross section of the baby's heart, figure THAT one out, will you?) So, we were very disappointed. I'm a planner, you guys know that. And no gender, means that we couldn't make 'real' decisions... like the nursery, and going through the oodles and oodles of hand me downs that have been shuttled our way in the past year. 

Anywho, so... this was disappointing, but- we actually did have another chance, because even though I never would have paid for an entertainment only ultrasound, my sister actually won a gift certificate for one... and thus... off we went at about 26 weeks. This was a much better experience, we actually got pictures and video and all sorts of cutesy shots and peeks at our baby to be. So without further ado... 

< Insert photo of baby girl! that has since been removed >

Don't get me wrong... I realize there is no other way to get that point across... but it feels like such a mean shot to be parading around. Yay! Celebrate! Here's my baby's junk... lol. 

But yes, Baby Girl it is! She's already daddy's princess, and it's funny because in the weeks leading up to the ultrasound, we referred to "it", solely as a girl. After weeks of flip flopping, all of a sudden we were so sure, so when the tech pulled it up, we were like "oh yeah, girl, we knew that". lol. So... in addition to being a very good thing because we couldn't agree on any boy names, it also means baby girl does not need any clothes bought for her for at least the first two years. We have so many clothes, that we actually got to go through them and pick out just the favorites, and have been selling the rest of them through craigslist type venues. And... she's still got some amazingly cute outfits. 

Alas, right now, the nursery is stuffed floor to ceiling with boxes- both baby and nonbaby related, as we're trying to very slowly reno the basement before baby gets here. But it's not happening, so in about a month we're going to have to figure out another option... and then I get to set up the crib, and start finalizing details!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Always Grow, Grow All Ways

 I've got today off, and then work tomorrow, and then have Saturday and Sunday both off, while Rob works every one of my days off  (Can I get a boo!), so I'm going to try to play a little bit of catchup for you guys!

The pregnancy is going really well. Baby is as healthy as we could ever ask for (and squirms, kicks and pokes often, just in case we ever wonder!) and growing like a weed. I started out this pregnancy a bit heavier, and much, much less toned than I wanted, so I did have a goal to stick within the low end of the weight gain limits- somewhere around 25-30lbs. Heh. Not gonna happen. I'm at 30 weeks, and up about 25-27lbs right now-- so if you budget the average 1-2 per week for the next 8 weeks... well you get higher than 25! lol  I've been very lucky that so far almost all of it is belly, with the boobs, my butt, and upper thighs taking just a small portion. My face actually got thinner in the first little bit (I was decently sick, combined with working overnights, let's just say it wasn't pleasant!)  

Anyways, that in mind, the belly rapidly expanded from about weeks 10-25, and although it's slowed down now, it's pretty darn big! At my 25 week appointment I was measuring a week ahead, but it went back down to measuring 'right on track' (and baby was measuring perfect for my date at the ultrasound) so it's all good. I get comments DAILY from guests and random people at work insinuating that I'm 'ready to pop' any minute now... and seeing as these started when I still had FOUR MONTHS left... it's gotten old, really, really, quickly. My belly is gorgeously round and out there-- but really only because I'm a slim person. I'm not measuring ahead or anything-- so how on earth people seem to think a full term infant, as well as you know, all my internal organs, could fit inside this belly, is just beyond me! 

Other than that... like I said, it's been a good pregnancy. I was sick in the beginning, but luckily never enough to actually throw up (those of you who've been around a while, know that I have to be practically deathbed ill for my body to let itself throw up, otherwise I'll hold it back). The tiredness comes and goes, but it's not as bad as when my chronic fatigue was hitting me full force, so it's nothing I can't handle. My biggest concern now is the insane amount of (perfectly normal and unfixable) hip and pubic pain I'm having. I started getting a lot of hip pain, along with calf and ankle swelling after standing at work. I started seeing my chiro again to my my hips back in place, and it worked wonders actually-- but then it becomes a matter of choice-- see when my hips are out, they cause enough tension that my pubic symphysis is stabilized. But once my hips are back in place and everything is working as it should- the relaxin that has been coursing through my body and relaxing well... everything-- it also allows my pubic symphysis to relax again- causing the most intense yet short lived bursts of mind numbing pain you can imagine. You'll be walking along fine as anything, and then feel like someone has shot you, right in the pelvic bone, and you want to drop to the floor. It's actually caused me to cry out loud in pain at work a couple times, which as you can imagine-- is a tad embarassing. 

So yes... that's been fun. Choosing between all day long hip soreness, tension and awkwardness, or random bouts of sharp shooting pains. But-- in light of everything else being fine-- I'll take it. There could be way worse things I could be dealing with, you know?

Speaking of, it's funny, Rob was saying the other day that I'm so uncomfortable and in pain and unhappy all the time, that he can't imagine how I would want to do this again. And it's weird, because yes, if I'm being honest and vulnerable- I pretty much hurt all day long when I'm awake. It sucks. And I am uncomfortable- baby is sitting really low, so the only thing that feels good as bottoms right now, is super low rise/loose sweats. Let's just say it makes getting dressed every morning very depressing. All the wonderful maternity pants I have? Practically useless. It's just too much pressure on the growing belly. 

But, despite the physical discomfort-- I am so happy it's amazing. We've gone through a lot, a LOT of crap the last few months, and my body hurts, and is being taken over, and I'm under a lot of stress-- but I am genuinely, giddily happy. Seriously, I'll be on the bus, at 6am, yawning my way to work, and baby will kick, or stretch as it's waking up, and it brings a huge grin to my face. I am so content with my life right now. Things with Rob and I are really good. I'm feeling very settled, and very at home in my body. I'm heavier than I ever wanted to be, and I have no control over pretty much anything that it does right now-- but it feels so much more mine, so much more -right- than it ever has. It's a very amazing feeling. Exhilarating. 

Ok so what else... the bad. We're birthing at the hospital. 

Anyone need a hand up from falling off their chairs? I did. I called all four midwife offices in the city before I even told Rob that we were expecting. And I still could not find a midwife willing to take me on-- the demand in this city is just too high for them to take anywhere near the amount of women who want midwives... so they get to be very picky and choosy over who they accept, and I didn't make it. This was a mind altering realization when the last call came in saying the office could not take me. For years, I've known that I would never choose a hospital birth. It's just not in the cards for me. Nothing in my body wants it at all. 

And so I mourned. Hard. And if I stop to think about it now, I'm still angry. I'm angry that I don't have a choice. I'm angry that I will probably have to fight for things that should be my basic rights. I'm just... angry. But my only other option is to have an unassisted birth at home, and Rob isn't comfortable with that. And being as I would be leaning on him a lot for support, and for comfort in the medical side of things- if he's not ok with it, then I can't force him. Now, that doesn't mean I don't hope like hell that we'll somehow have an oops-labor went to fast-homebirth... but the plan for now, is to have a hospital birth. 

I've found an OB who is such a pushover that we make fun of her when we leave the office. I've picked a doula primarily based on her amazing photography skills and passion for birth, but also for her kick ass mama bear attitude-- and I know she'll protect me in the hospital. And I have a wonderful husband who has been great about sitting down and talking about my choices with me. I will make the best of this situation. We are planning to labor at home until the last possible moment, and then transfer to the hospital for the actual birth. And if everything goes well, I want to be home within 12-24 hours after the birth. I have no plans on sitting around there for no reason- not when my husband is perfectly capable of taking a temp and blood pressure, and we can monitor any bleeding. So, it will be a slight detour, but I'm trying to retain as much of my homebirth-like experience as I can. 

This has been a very baby-based entry, so I'll leave it like that, and maybe update on the rest of life (what is that?) after I've had a chance to do some cleaning up around the house. 

Friday, May 27, 2011

So yes, it is official, we are expecting. 

I'm about 13ish weeks along. We're not announcing due dates because we won't want to be watched like a ticking time bomb. 

Everything is going wonderful so far. I officially found the heartbeat with my doppler yesterday, so that was very exciting. 

I'm extremely, extremely, violently angry because attempting to find a midwife has been a shitload of trouble, and I'm still empty handed. THIRTEEN weeks, and still nothing. There's one practice I haven't heard back from yet, but honestly, they had my intake form eight weeks ago, and still haven't looked at it. So I'm not too hopeful about them. 

I also have called the list of "ok I could deal with this OB because they had semi good reviews"... all like... eight of them. And no one is taking patients. So now I have to go through the list of remaining OB's and determine which one is least likely to kill me (or piss me off during labor so much that I will kill them). 

I haven't ruled out accidently going unassisted at the end, but Rob has. I won't push it, but if it happened, I'd be ok with it. The thought of going to the hospital just makes me cringe still. 

I shall leave you with a photo. The belly has totally popped, and my belly button has been changing shape since about week 8. I'm going to be HUGE, but at least I've barely gained any weight so far, so I'm ok with the belly getting bigger then. 

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Cleanup and progress

Five weeks, five days. I had a doctors appointment yesterday, completely coincidental, it was just time for my yearly checkup, and they got to stick me and steal about five vials of blood. It's funny how much blood they can take from someone who already has such low blood pressure.

Took a walk around the chi-chi store here afterwards. I bought a 'coupon' for it several weeks ago, where I can get $50 worth of stuff for the $25 I paid, so I wanted to take a look around and see what I might be interested in. At the time we figured we'd probably end up using it as a gift, but I think now I'm going to be greedy. It's most likely to be used for diapers (I'll be able to get essentially a free one) or on wooden toys, since they've got a good selection of melissa and doug and plan toys there. Anyways, it was just exciting to be able to take a look around and think of what we'll need to add to our ever present stash.

We're trying to move forward for our basement renovation plans, and one of the obstacles is getting things out of the basement. We've been trying to sell anything we don't need, but I'm also likely going to bring a bunch of the baby stuff up and start stuffing the closet, for no reason other than to gain space downstairs. It will also force me to clean out the existing stuff in the office/will be nursery. Exciting, but overwhelming! So much to do without even touching on baby related!

Well, I just got an email with my study questions for my exam, so it looks like it's time to get back to business!

Friday, April 1, 2011

little by little, step by step.

I may not have a midwife yet, but I came up with an idea I am super excited about for a birth doula/ photographer. I haven't asked her yet, as well... nobody even knows that we're pregnant, but I'm very excited about the prospect. This person is very supportive of homebirth, they do photography on the side, and the shots I've seen from them are classy and wonderful, without being overly sappy, posed or poorly composed. So exciting!

This is something I've known I wanted for quite a while, but haven't been able to track down any birth photographers whose styles I like, or really any who are comfortable partially acting as a doula if I need as well, and in the best case scenerio my 'person' would be able to do both, with their primary task being to capture all the little memories and moments that I know will slip away from me so quickly.

Cross your fingers with me that this works out!

nonsense stress

Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

With today officially being Friday (even though I haven't gone to bed yet...), I'm finding myself starting to get a bit nervous that we haven't heard back from the midwife yet. That's right, we told a stranger before we told all of you. Necessity. Midwives here in Manitoba are extremely hard to aquire, and I don't think it's a secret to many people that I am desperately seeking a homebirth. Thus, my second call to brag about being newly pregnant was to the midwife's office to go through the intake process.
Five or six short questions later, and they tell you they'll send your information to the three other offices in the city as well, and call you within fourteen days. fourteen days! That's an eternity! I don't care if I don't see the midwife for several weeks, but I really really want to know if I have one. Not to mention the handful of questions they asked hardly seems enough to determine if they'll take you on as a client. I mean on paper, it all sounds great, no medical issues, I'm young, no previous pregnancy complications, I have a support person, and I want a homebirth, great!
But then they don't call you back for a week, and I start wondering about the things that could be better. This could be a second pregnancy, with the first one completely healthy and normal with an unmedicated, uncomplicated delivery. I could live 5 minutes from the hospital, and be a runner with extreme endurance and stamina... I could... I could...  it's impossible to go through all the options and scenarios without driving yourself bat crazy.
The reality is, I don't need to worry. I've got another week, I  "present" well, and if nothing else... well then, we'll make it work. But my gosh, this is sure nervewracking in the meantime!

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

the reason i come home, my love

According to the ‘official’ dating, I’m five whole weeks today. It’s been a week, seven days since I first found out. Does this ever get old? I still feel like I have butterflies fluttering around my stomach, and still grin like a fool for no reason at all during random points of my day.

I’ve got work, and reading for school, and the house is a wreck, but it just doesn’t seem to matter. We’re having a baby! Who cares about some dirty dishes!

Anyways, I just wanted to add this fluff. I love it.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Welcome to our little virtual home!

Well here I am. As we've decided to keep the good great amazing news our little secret for a bit longer, I'm here to share details to keep my head from exploding in the meantime. Hopefully once word is out, it will serve as a look back for family and friends to get to join the journey right from the beginning.

Anybody who's been given this link already knows the purpose of our wonderful little blog here, but yes, it's official, those two little lines turned pink, I spent some time chasing Hurley around the house for celebration hugs (Rob wasn't home), and it looks like we'll have a new little one joining us before next Christmas.

Welcome to our journey, enjoy the ride!